balivatn: multicolored lily in a vase (lily)
( Jul. 5th, 2011 04:41 am)
Stupid brain. Today was one of those days when the depression really didn't want me to do much other than sleep. So I went to bed around 2 AM on Monday, slept until 10 or so, was awake for about an hour, then took about a three-hour nap, then woke up for another hour, then slept for another 3 hours. This means that when I actually tried to sleep at a "normal" time, because I have to work tomorrow, that's... so not happening.

All my dreams have been of the strongly realistic types - at least they haven't been flashbacks or re-livings of stuff that's happened, which I guess is good. One dream allowed me to talk to Colin, which is more than is probably going to happen in real life. Although even in my dreams, I had to basically trap him in a room he couldn't leave from, and make him look at me. That's... probably a fairly realistic depiction of how that would go right now. Another involved work stuff - my boss has been through a lot these past couple of years, and relies on me more than a boss should rely on an employee. Don't get me wrong, I really like my job, but it's not a career job. There's no benefits, no stability. If I don't teach, I don't get paid. I have no health insurance. I can't stay there for a long term thing - and that's ignoring some of the basic issues I have with how the animals are kept and cared for. None of them are horribly neglected, but there's a lot that should be done to have the healthiest animals - which would make them better to take around and introduce to random kids. But it's a small company, and the economy sucks - so they get food and water and all that stuff, but none of us really have time to do tons of socializing, or anything like that. We socialize when we can, but... there's just not enough of us. And not enough money to hire more people to do that.

Plus school will start in August. I'm of mixed feelings about that. I used to be a good student, but my degrees are all from very different fields than this, so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to handle. I used to be really good at biology and science, and the vet I work with at the animal shelter seems to think I'm not an idiot, so maybe I can pull it off. But once I finish, I'll want a more career type job - at the zoo, at a clinic, hell, maybe the shelter will be hiring at that point.

I also have a lot of brainspace devoted to something else - I'm not going to go into details until I have a better idea of how I'm going to respond. It's very confusing, and I'm really not sure how the other party involved wants me to respond, if they're even in a place where they can handle a response, and what they're willing to listen to and believe.
balivatn: animated icon of bunny wiggling nose and blinking (bunny)
( Jul. 5th, 2011 07:39 pm)
It's very odd thinking that you might have insight into some questions that people have been asking, but actually voicing those insights will be met poorly because they won't believe you. Or won't want to, which sometimes amounts to the same thing.



Most Popular Tags

Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags