You hurt me. That in and of itself is kind of crappy, but the fact that you chose, and still choose, to remain silent about it, and to not hear anything about it... that's worse. It's salt and lemon juice rubbed into festering wounds.
I want them to be happy - I just don't understand why it has to come at such a high cost to me.
I'm sorry I didn't handle my abuse as well as you handled yours.
I don't tell you about what I'm dealing with in order to make you feel responsible. I tell you because, apparently mistakenly, I thought I could trust you and you might try to understand and help.
Double standards suck. Stop applying them to me. If you take time to trust people, why are you holding my taking time to tell you things against me?
Telling you about shit in my past isn't me saying you need to treat me like glass - it's saying that these are the things that might affect my response to situations. To me, it's more like telling you I'm allergic to something, so you know if I hesitate.
Yeah, the shit I've gone through isn't pretty. You turning away from me after I DO work up the nerve to mention it... not helpful.
Apparently trying to talk while in a dissociative state is something that CAN be held against me.
Do you have any idea how much it took out of me to admit that someone I loved so much hurt me so badly?
Saying you did something bad is different than saying you're a bad person. Your response to hearing you fucked up actually does more to determine what type of person you are. This... does not speak well for you, but I still don't think you're a bad person.
I don't want your happiness to be mine. I want my own happiness. I'm sorry that having anything in common with me disgusts you so much.
I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough practice cunt.
I don't think everything was your fault. I do think there was a lot you could have done differently. These two things are not the same, please stop saying they are.
Part of me thinks you know you screwed up, but you don't want to put the effort in to deal with it. You'd rather hide behind other stuff - use things that are perfectly reasonable as excuses.
In some ways, you hurt me worse than the rapists. They at least didn't pretend I meant anything to them.
I'm tired of people that talk a good game and then fail miserably at carrying it out.
If I fuck up and tread on your toes and you react badly because of other stuff that's happened - maybe you should tell me before you start talking about how much I suck.
Just because I think someone made a mistake when they dropped me, it doesn't mean I don't want them to be happy with someone else.
Secondary relationship shouldn't mean lesser of a person.
Asking for one night a week should not be seen as unreasonable.
Wanting acknowledgement and to be shown affection - even if I'm not around - is not bad.
Being angry isn't a bad thing - please don't try and tell me to just "think positively" or try and get me to read your happy book / listen to your happy music / watch your happy movie.
Don't tell me you love me and then make me have to keep a mask on all the time and only approve of everything you do.
Grad school is stressful - if you've never gone through it, don't try and tell me how I was supposed to handle it.
Saying "I'm sorry you were hurt" is a weak move. Saying "I'm sorry I hurt you" and then trying to figure out what happened, and how to avoid it happening again is much better.
Please stop putting words in my mouth. Sometimes I'm not even sure what language I'm speaking to figure out how you drew the conclusion you did.
Asking you to think about how you would feel in my position is not trying to make you feel guilty. Refusing to even consider how you might feel in a similar situation because you're not me is another weak move.
I've never tried to make you feel guilty. I have tried, over and over and over again, to get you to understand what I've felt, why I may have felt that way, and what could have maybe helped me feel better. I have said things you didn't like to hear, that made you feel bad... but that was not why I said them. I said them because I thought you cared about me, and that I could trust you.