This entire year can bite me

I've lost my academic focus, I've lost friends, lovers, my sense of home, any sense of purpose or direction, hope for the future. I'm utterly broke, and Sarisa is gone until Wednesday.

And now I just got a call from my mother - my father was just admitted to the ER with bilateral pneumonia.

Experiment

Day five: 10/23/2009
Time woken up: 5:00 AM
Dosage: 3.5 mg
Time: 8 AM - 4 PM
Activity: Minimal - errands, computer work
Alertness: Constant
Crying - minimal, shorter jags
Blood Pressure: 128/80
Notes: still handling financial issues

No dosage over the weekend. Need to make note to take BP during weekend. Crying spells pretty intense.

CESD score: 41/60 - possible increase due to financial stress/family health issues
Wakefield score: 26
K10 score: 35 - this one is a monthly

Day six: 10/26/2009
Time woken up: 8:30, again at 10:30
Dosage: 3.5 mg
Time: 2:30 PM - 10:30 PM
Activity: Minimal - mostly at computer or in kitchen
Alertness: Pretty constant when awake
Crying - More severe jags
Blood Pressure: 125/79
Notes: Received bad news about father last night, still no resolution re: financial issues

Here is an online version of the CESD and an explanation.

Considering alternating 3.5 mg dose with 7 mg dose during the week. Sleep pattern still seems very irregular - either sleeping for long periods or no sleep at all. Waking extremely early or extremely late. Dreams still disjointed and frightening, mostly flashbacks.