Brain hamster questions

How do I explain that "considering me" or "being aware how something can be perceived" or "being thoughtful" is not the same as "walking on eggshells?"

How do I explain that "it would be more helpful if you did X than if you did Y" is not "You are a bad person for doing Y?"

How do I explain that by not doing the helpful thing, it makes it harder for me to be comfortable with anything without being seen as giving an ultimatum?

How do I explain "It hurts me when you do X, and I know you didn't mean it that way, and if you could try to avoid X and things similar to X (or help me see X as not hurtful), it'd be helpful" is exactly what I mean, and is not an attack?

Why is it when I'm trying to explain and ask for what I need, I'm always seen as selfish and manipulative?

How do I get someone to understand when they have no frame of reference? Or if they have a frame of reference, but don't want to understand anyway, because there's happier stuff to think about?

How do I explain that me asking someone to speak to someone else isn't because I don't want to talk to them, but because I don't know how to do so without being seen as selfish, manipulative, or overly emotional? Or that the person I'm asking to speak is someone they're more likely to listen to?

Why is wanting them to understand and do something so wrong?

And why do I have to be the one initiating things?

Not triggered by anything specific, and directed to no one specific.