So tomorrow (in my time zone) is Valentine's Day. And I do have this fiance type person wandering around, so according to many people, I should be happy. Or at least indifferent. My fiance and I haven't really done much for Valentine's Day in quite some time. If we think about it, we might go out to dinner. But currently the financial situation combined with the work schedules has lead to more dinners out than in - admittedly, they're of the cheap fast food variety for the most part.

These past few Valentine's Days have been rather difficult for me. Mainly because I am in love with four people and only one of them is speaking to me. It's not great to have all these reminders around reminding me of how many people have cut me out of their life.

There's some jealousy, but it's... it feels more complicated than that. Like two of my loves are planning their wedding, after they've moved further away for better jobs. And those are both good things, and I am happy that they get good things. Another former love and friend has found a gorgeous house they want to buy with their current love. This is also a great thing. I just wish it didn't feel like they were getting so much good stuff at my expense. I don't think it's that unnatural to want to share in the happy moments of the lives of those I love. So I'm not exactly jealous that they're getting good things, I'm just... wishing I could be part of them, somehow. Part of their lives.

But I'm fairly sure that would involve speaking to them, at least.

And it seems that that's not something they desire to do.

This does not make for the happiest of Valentine's Days.

The fact that one of the people I love also has a birthday this week doesn't really help, either.
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