In light of the recent LJ change, I'm asking people to please not crosspost comments they make on any of my entries to Facebook or Twitter. Especially Facebook, as I have family members there, and I do not want them to have my LJ name.

I will not be crossposting any of my entries or comments to either platform.
( Aug. 25th, 2010 03:11 pm)
Hrm. Having an idea for characters to write for stories or novel, but have to actually think of something for them to do and some sort of plot.
( Aug. 24th, 2010 08:17 pm)
I'm feeling a bit blocked. There's some good, or at least distracting, things going on - shelter stuff, theoretically new job (I was hired, I just haven't heard anything), standard kitten stuff. But there's other things I'm not really sure how to follow up on.

There were some small breakthroughs a couple of months ago, but I feel as though I didn't follow up on them well enough, and I'm not sure how to, or if I should, remedy that. Or even if I can.

I guess I want to get deeper than kitten discussions and talk about the weather, but the deeper stuff does still involve some uncomfortable territory, and... yeah. Just not sure how to progress. Things aren't really being helped by daily reminders of what's missing and having the sense of time slipping away. If I can't follow up soon, there's going to be anniversaries, birthdays, holidays... just one thing after another that's just going to present even more obstacles.

It's obstacles I'm thinking of. Thinking of how I'd prefer things to turn out, how I'd like the obstacles that have occurred so far to be dealt with instead of avoided, how I like people I love to handle obstacles in general. I mean, obviously I'd rather not have any mishaps, but neither I nor they are perfect, and mishaps happen. It's how people handle those mishaps that make a difference. Or don't.

I just feel sort of lost.
( Aug. 17th, 2010 04:35 am)
Unrelated to some of the other stuff that's going on, though.

I'm not really intending this to be a big announcement, because in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal. But for the past few years (maybe five, maybe a little more), I just haven't really been comfortable with the idea of identifying as a woman, or using feminine pronouns. That doesn't mean I really want to identify as man, though. I just don't really like the idea of having to gender identify. If there's no other option, I will identify along feminine lines, I just really prefer not to. It's not a thing I can point to and say "here's the definitive reason" on... it's just... it feels better to not do so.

There's some issues with this, though - I mean, people still look at me and label me as a woman, because I have tits and the like. And I don't really feel comfortable with the idea that if I don't want to gender identify, I have to dress androgynously, although I do that at some points to. And I know that society is not planning on getting rid of gender anytime soon, and I know that gender identity is important for a lot of people. So I'm not entirely sure where to go from here. On LJ, there is some ease - I can tell people I prefer gender neutral pronouns, and places like OKCupid I can say I'm agender (at least in my profile, they still make me pick one). Not sure what to do in regards to family and the like, though.

I don't know - I'm kind of rambling. I just... given my druthers, I wish there were more chances to use "none" or "other" if someone asks if I'm a boy or a girl. I'd like to not have to dress in specific ways in order to be seen as "consistent" with my preferred gender position. I'd really like to be able to wear something that's not concealing, and automatically be classed as "woman," with all the expectations thereunto.

I've also read a lot of wankery about people using gender neutral pronouns - people complain about "zie" and "hir" fairly often. And I get they look strange, because we are so used to seeing "him" or "her" and not really having any non-offensive options (I'm not about to call any person "it"). I'm actually not too keen on "zie" myself. I prefer these myself. It's close to "they," which has its own usage, and its not like singular "they" doesn't have any sort of precedent, but I know people also have issues with that. Of course, there's a difference between using gender neutral language for people whose gender is unknown or for non-specific people and using it for people who do have a stated preference. Anyone who wishes to be identified as "he" or "she," I won't force them into "ey."

I don't know - I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. Just rambling out of my head, I guess.
( Aug. 16th, 2010 11:17 am)
Still alive. Have had some good things happen. Still dealing with other things.
I'm in a place that really feels like I need to be doing something, but I have no idea what, or how.
Also have a sense of time running out, which isn't helping.
balivatn: (anger)
( Jul. 29th, 2010 12:23 am)
from [livejournal.com profile] jettakd
1. If you'd like to play along, reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. You then list (and upload or link to the video, if you feel like it) 5 (6, 7) songs that start with that letter.
3. Then, as I'm doing here, you'll post the list to your journal with the instructions. Easy peasy!

1) U.N.I.T.Y - Queen Latifah
2) Under Pressure - Queen feat. David Bowie
3) Untouchable - Garbage
4) Up for the Down Stroke - Parliament
5) Underdog World Strike - Gogol Bordello
6) Unquiet Grave - Faith and the Muse
Tags:
balivatn: animated icon of bunny wiggling nose and blinking (bunny)
( Jul. 3rd, 2010 08:49 pm)
Fishing for kittens:

Tags:
( Jul. 3rd, 2010 04:00 am)
It's kind of amusing. Pocket is named after the fool in Christopher Moore's Fool, which is a retelling of King Lear through the Fool's point of view. Very funny, very much R-rated. At any rate, book!Pocket is a fairly skilled climber. Apparently kitten!Pocket shares that quality.

balivatn: (anger)
( Jul. 2nd, 2010 10:19 am)
Pocket has found his litterbox, which is good. Atia is still not thrilled with the whole situation, but she's moved from sulking behind the dresser to sulking in the living room and hissing at the door from time to time. I guess that's improvement.

I had one of my shirts in the bathroom with Pocket last night, and Atia had slept with another one (apparently I smell good to cats, I'm not sure what that says about my deodorant and such). Today I brought out Pocket's shirt and left it in the living room, and Atia's shirt is now in the bathroom with Pocket.

After Dan gets back from work stuff today, we're going to go get a babygate so the bathroom door can be cracked some.

I'm going to need to do laundry.
Tags:



















Atia is sulking behind the dresser again. But at least she ate her dinner and came out for a quick petting. And with having toys in the bathroom, Pocket should be a lot happier until we can take him out for longer introductions.
Tags:
( Jul. 1st, 2010 12:02 pm)
So this is our new kitten. He's currently chilling in the bathroom (not terribly thrilled about it, but we're making sure he and Atia only see each other in tightly controlled situations for the time being). He is three months old.

So far, we're going with Pocket as his name. He is wriggly, so only one picture so far:



Atia did hiss once - we had them both in our arms and showed them to each other. Then she went and hid behind the dresser. Currently she is lying by my desk, so I'm hoping that in a few days we'll be able to make them a bit more visible to each other. I have an old cloth shower curtain that I cut up and will tack up to help keep them separate. But for now, there's a door between them.
Tags:
( Jul. 1st, 2010 03:08 am)
I don't know exactly when or if it'll be taken as such, but I realize there's been a lot of not-so-happy posted here. Not terribly surprising, probably, but there are some more positive, if a little bittersweet things I want to say.

But tomorrow won't be the day... I'm delaying the Facebook post because I'm sure my family will squawk, but I am bringing an adorable 3 month old kitten home tomorrow/later today. I'm nervous about it, but excited as well. He doesn't have a new name yet - his name at the shelter is Smokey. I'm leaning towards Pocket, from Christopher Moore's Fool. But we'll see.

His litterbox is all set up, and I picked up some more food for him before I go totally to the home-made stuff. The bathroom will be kitten isolation as Atia figures out what she's going to do with all this. I'm going to make sure she's still spoiled rotten :)

I wasn't a cat person. I had never lived with them, that seems to make a difference. That doesn't mean I don't want a dog when possible, but I am becoming more and more fond of the feline types. No more in the apartment after the little one comes in, though :)
( Jun. 28th, 2010 11:53 pm)
Having a rough day. Still no progress on the Bulgaria, Pierce or job thing. A lot of frustrations and feelings about relationship stuff, but I can't really say anything because even if I preface it with a hundred disclaimers and best intentions, it won't be taken that way. Or will be met with more disapproval.

I wish there was an impartial mediator or something we could sit down with. The only thing I've found that's close is $175 a session, and I doubt all parties would agree to it.
( Jun. 23rd, 2010 05:31 pm)
Feeling a bit melancholy today. Having a lot of stuff going around in my head that I'm worried about mentioning anywhere. Not sure how to follow up on anything, or if I should. Hate being in a waiting pattern, even though I'm worried about what might happen at the end of the waiting. Homesick. Heartsick.
From The Migraine Brain: Your Breakthrough Guide to Fewer Headaches, Better Health by Carolyn Bernstein and Elaine McArdle, Kindle edition

There is a good discussion about prescription drugs, and what to look for in a headache specialist in the book, and if someone wants that info, I'll be happy to look it up for them. But a lot of people might not have that access, so here's a few things you can try to treat migraines that don't need a prescription:

Caffeine - if it's not a trigger for you, the constriction of blood vessels, assistance in absorbing other meds, and brain stimulating qualities of caffeine can make it useful to treat a migraine in the early stages. A cup of strong black coffee, tea with caffeine, or a caffeinated soft drink without aspartame are all options. As are caffeinated candies, caffeine tablets, etc.

The "standard" analgesics (aspirin, ibuprofen, and acetaminophen) might provide some relief, but obviously that does vary from person to person. The "migraine" versions of a lot of these drugs have been combined with caffeine.

Some of the CAM methods that the authors find effective:
biofeedback and relaxation techniques
yoga - the authors recommend a gentle form of yoga to start out with - they specifically mention Hatha yoga or Iyengar yoga - obviously it would depend on how comfortable you are with yoga already
hands to feet (pada hastasana)
child pose
warrior pose
triangle pose (trikonasana)
standing side stretch
meditation
acupuncture
acupressure - the soft area between your thumb and first finger can be pressed and may help provide some relief from headache - the authors state that acupuncture may help a bit more, because some of the migraine relief points are precisely located and really don't get hit as well with pressure
massage
ice massage
grab a bag of ice, a bag of frozen peas, or a coldpack, place it on your head, scalp, wrap it around the back of your neck, or side of your face, go with what hurts most... they also make migraine gel stickies that I personally have tried and do work for me... they don't help my mom, though, so again YMMV
nutritional supplements: magnesium, riboflavin, and coenzyme Q10
magnesium - 320 mg for females, 420 mg for men is the US daily recommended allowance - the author recommends 400 mg/day, and recommends giving it about two months before saying if it does / does not help - i actually do this as well, because of the blood pressure and muscle issues... the fact it might help my headaches is a bonus I was unaware of :)
riboflavin (B2) - authors recommend 400 mg/day
coenzyme Q10 - authors recommend 100 mg, 3x / day
energy healing
deep breathing
sex, if it's not a trigger and you can stand it, might also help break a migraine

The primary author does mention herbal meds, but she's wary of them due to lack of regulation - she does recommend GelStat Migraine, which is composed of feverfew and ginger (not for pregnant people)
Feverfew is commonly recommended by herbalists - assuming you get a good source,aren't pregnant, and do not have any issues with blood thinners, it might be helpful - she does not list a dosage amount

Butterbur is another common herb recommended for migraines - she's even more wary of this one, as some formulations contain high levels of carcinogens, which if you're taking daily, isn't good. She does mention Petadolex Butterbur Gelcaps as having less of those carcinogenic chemicals, although I wouldn't say she recommends either of the herbal remedies.

Some of those are more for general wellness, which does help reduce the occurrence of migraines. They may help you sleep more, relax muscles, reduce stress, etc.

Other general wellness suggestions:

Two and a half hours of exercise per week (half hour a day, 5x a week)
eight hours of sleep a night
healthy eating: high-fiber, high-protein, foods, small amounts every four to six hours, keeping your blood sugar even
stay hydrated - she recommends at least six eight-ounce glasses of water per day, more if you're exercising or live in a hot climate
stress reduction
social relationships and emotional connection - in my case, my cat, as frustrating as she is, and as much as her peeing on the bed might be a trigger due to lack of sleep, may help my emotional state a lot, which helps reduce my likelihood of stress-triggered migraines
altruism
some sort of connection with something bigger - art, religion, teaching, connection with nature

Migraine Treatment Plan:

This might be helpful to have on hand, once you've gone through the process of making a headache diary, keeping track of what sort of migraine symptoms you have, etc.

1. What are my migraine triggers?

2. What is my MIDAS score?

3. Am I wiling to take medication? Am I able to take medicines? To I need a daily preventive med? What abortive meds will I take during a migraine attack? Am I able to take triptans? What rescue meds will I take when I get a painful migraine?

4. Do I want to use complementary and alternative treatments? If so, which ones will I use?

5. Exercise half hour/day, 5x a week will help. How can I do this? Do I like to exercise in groups? Alone? Mix it up?

6. I need to put nutritious food into my body every 4 - 6 hours. Do I eat healthfully now? Do I need to lose weight to be healthy? If yes, how will I do so without having more migraines? Do I have an eating disorder? Do I have any particular food triggers? If yes, what are they?

7. Changes I can make to my bedroom to improve sleep. Changes I can make to my routine to improve sleep.

8. Steps I can take to help avoid migraines when I travel:

9. Steps I can take to help make my workplace as migraine free as possible:

10: Steps I can take to help my family understand that migraine is an illness, and though it isn't curable, they can help me have fewer migraines:

11: Steps I can take to make my home as migraine-free as possible:

12: Steps I can take to find time to relax or be alone at least three times a week:

13: Am I in good spirits and feeling energetic? If not, have I taken any sort of depression test? Do I have other mental or emotional issues I might want to get help with? Would therapy be helpful to me?

14: Am I safe in my home? Am I happy in my relationships? If not, is there something I want to discuss with a therapist, counselor, minister, etc?

15: Other things to consider to take care of my migraine brain.

Quick List:

1. Did I get enough sleep last night? If not, I will have the abortive plan ready.
2. What will I eat today and when? Do I keep water and healthy snacks available?
3. I need to drink 6 - 8 8oz glasses of water throughout the day.
4. If I take a daily preventive, did I do so today? Do I have my abortive and rescue meds with me?
5. When will I exercise today?
6. When will I build in at least 10 minutes of relaxation today?
7. Am I facing any particularly stressful events today? If so, can I avoid them? If I can't avoid them, how can I keep my stress to a minimum?
8. Am I facing other triggers today? What are they? Can I avoid them? If not, how can I minimize exposure to other triggers?
9. Other daily reminders:
From The Migraine Brain: Your Breakthrough Guide to Fewer Headaches, Better Health by Carolyn Bernstein and Elaine McArdle, Kindle edition

What A Migraineurs Partner Should Know:

Migraine is a neurological illness that someone is born with. It is not their fault.

Migraine isn't a type of headache. It has many symptoms, such as severe headaches, vomiting, nausea, and the need to lie still in a dark room until the attack is over. Migraine symptoms vary from one person to the next.

The pain is often extreme, which is why they are so debilitating.

Migraines happen because their brain very sensitive to any changes in what it's used to. To get fewer migraines, it's really important for them to take really good care of their health. That means eight hours of sleep a night, healthy foods every four to six hours, exercise five times a week, and plenty of water through the day. This won't stop the migraines but may help reduce how many attacks they get.

Everybody has different things that set off migraine attacks, called "triggers." Common triggers are stress, lack of sleep or poor sleep, not eating regular meals or eating poorly, strong smells, bright lights, and many others. It's important for them to figure out their list of triggers and try to avoid them whenever possible.

Stress may be a trigger for them. This doesn't mean they are weak or are trying to avoid responsibilities. Stress causes chemical changes in the brain, which is most likely how it triggers migraines. You can help them minimize stress by encouraging them to incorporate relaxation techniques into their schedule. Joining them may be good for both of you.

Both you and they want to minimize how often migraine attacks come. So be as supportive as possible in their wellness plan.

If they take migraine medications, please help them to make sure they have them on hand at all times. Offer to get their prescription refilled when needed sometimes.

Please don't get angry or upset with them for being sick even when you're disappointed about them not being able to do something.
From The Migraine Brain: Your Breakthrough Guide to Fewer Headaches, Better Health by Carolyn Bernstein and Elaine McArdle, Kindle edition

MIDAS scale (Migraine Disability Assessment)

Gives an idea of how debilitating a migraine is, beyond just "it really freakin' hurts"

1. On how many days in the last three months did you miss work or school because of your headache?___ days

2. How many days in the last three months was your productivity at work or school reduced by half or more because of your headaches? (Do not include days from question 1). _____ days

3. On how many days in the last three months did you not do household work because of your headaches?____ days

4. How many days in the last three months was your productivity in household work reduced by half or more because of your headaches? (Do not include the days from question 3). ____ days

5. On how many days in the last three months did you miss family, social, or leisure activities because of your headaches? ____ days

Total: ____ days

Score:
0-5 days - minimal or infrequent disability
6-10 days - mild or infrequent disability
11-20 days - moderate disability
>20 - severe disability

Headache Impact Test: www.headachetest.com

There are some links between migraine and mental illnesses/disorders such as depression, PTSD, anxiety disorders, etc.

Of people with migraine, 54% are also clinically depressed. The chances of having a major depressive episode are three times higher if you're a migraineur. And if you get migraines, it's pretty likely you'll suffer from depression at some point.

Depression symptoms such as sleep problems, appetite problems, trouble concentrating, etc... you can see the similarities between that and migraine, or how it might prime a migraineur for an attack. Which doesn't help with the depression, and round and round it goes. Treating depression may help with migraines, and having less migraines might also help with the depression.

I was amused/interested by the fact that some of the things that are recommended for depression are also at least partially helpful for migraines - currently I take magnesium, potassium, B vitamins, fish oil, and Sam-E. I don't think it's made me all better, but it has helped with some things. And I've had headaches, but nothing near like I used to since I've started these things.
( Jun. 21st, 2010 03:02 am)
From The Migraine Brain: Your Breakthrough Guide to Fewer Headaches, Better Health by Carolyn Bernstein and Elaine McArdle, Kindle edition

This is a big thing. Those of you who know me know that there are lots of things I don't eat, or don't eat often, because they'll trigger a migraine. People who get migraines have brains that are hypersensitive to triggers, and when it encounters them, it gets agitated and sets off the changes that lead to migraines. Triggers do not CAUSE migraines, they simply light the fuse that leads to one. Triggers only work when a person is already primed for a migraine. There is a lot of variety in what can be a trigger. And you may have things that trigger you sometimes but don't others, or things that will always trigger a migraine. It may also take a combination of triggers to really set off a migraine.

Identifying triggers is important - it can help you possibly mitigate the chances of a migraine being set off if you have an idea of what will do it in the first place.

Here's a list of the most common triggers - it's not exhaustive, though:

Stress or tension - you can also get a letdown migraine which occurs AFTER a stressful event is over

Sleep issues - lack of sleep, too much sleep, other disordered sleeping - ideally, you should get 7 - 8 hours of restful sleep. As I don't know too many people that actually pull that off, this is a very common trigger.

Certain foods - not all trigger foods are guaranteed to trigger a migraine, but here are some that are commonly linked to migraines: aspartame, aged cheese, chocolate, MSG, processed meats, soy sauce, tyramine (this is an amino acid that is present in a lot of the foods I just listed), nitrates, citrus fruits, histamine (found in stuff like sauerkraut, tempeh, tofu, miso, tamari), sulfites

Hunger/low blood sugar

Alcohol - especially red wine

Hormonal changes (females only) related to menstrual cycle or pregnancy

Exercise

Strong smells

Cleaning fluids, chemicals, formaldehyde, other preservatives

Smoke, especially cigarette smoke

Bright lights

Loud, piercing, or repetitive noises

Caffeine - although this can also be a treatment, so go figure

Dehydration

Dust

Weather

Sex

Blow to the head

Dental issues

Travel - it can combine stuff like sleeping weird, noises, stress, not eating right, dehydration, weather and barometric pressure changes, etc.

Keeping a diary of your headaches with what you were eating, drinking, doing, dealing with, what the weather was like, how you were sleeping, what stage you're in of your menstrual cycle, etc. can help you figure out what might bring about a migraine. As you can probably tell, not all triggers are necessarily avoidable. But knowing what the triggers are can help reduce some occurrences, or give you ideas of possible ways to prevent a migraine.

Also, what triggers one person's migraine might have no affect on what triggers another person. I'm triggered by yogurt, for example. Why, I have no idea.
.